Bendless Love/Transcript
Credits. Caption: Torn From Tomorrow's Headlines. :['''Scene': Planet Express: Hangar. The hangar doors are open and the launching mechanism raises the ship into the launch position.]'' :['''Cut to': Ships Cockpit. The crew sit at their stations.]'' Leela: Guidance system? Bender: Online. Leela: Autopilot? Autopilot: Present. Leela: Dark matter indicator? Fry: Making the noise. Leela: All systems operational. Let's rock! :pushes the gear lever forward. :['''Cut to': Planet Express: Hangar. The engines fire up.]'' :['''Cut to': Outside Planet Express. The ship takes off and the engines suddenly shut down. The ship falls onto the road and the landing gear pops out. Motorists honk their horns as the crashed ship causes a traffic jam.]'' :['''Scene': Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Zoidberg and Hermes sit around the table. Leela stands holding a thick folder.]'' Leela: Gentlemen, I've completed my report on the crash. :drops the thick file onto the table and everyone stares at it. Bender: Whoa! I'm not reading that crap. Summarise it in one word. Leela: Sabotage. all around. Leela points to an L-shaped piece of metal on the table. This is a normal L-unit. Without it, space travel is but the fevered dream of a madman. Fry: Yep. Bender: Of course. Zoidberg: Doy! Hermes: It's an important unit. Leela: And this, my friends, is the L-unit I just removed from the ship. :pulls a sheet off an L-unit. It is straight. Everyone gasps. Fry: That doesn't look like an "L" at all. Unless you count lowercase. Bender: You know we don't! :slaps Fry, who groans. Leela: Whoever did this was strong. This is 340 pounds of -tough steel. :stands at her side and picks up the L-unit. Bender: Hmm. It should look like this. bends it into an L-shape. But instead it looks like this. :straightens it again. Fry: Who would do a thing like that? Bender: Who could do a thing like that? And by "that", I mean this. :bends the L-unit back and forth repeatedly. Zoidberg: Well, gang, it looks like we have another mystery on our hands. Hermes: I'd better make a chart of the suspects. I'll begin by drawing a line with my straight-edge. draws along his straight-edge but halfway along the line starts to bend. He gasps. Sweet lamprey of Santa Fe! My edge has been bent! :walks in wearing [[Mars University (place)|Mars University] sweats.] Amy: crying My javelin too! It's ruined. holds up her javelin which has been bent in eight places. Now we'll never beat Jupiter State. Zoidberg: My slinky! runs over to the corner of the room and picks up a straightened slinky. He falls to his knees. My cuddly, little pet slinky! :cries. Farnsworth walks in. He has been bent forward so his back is horizontal and his face is pointing downwards. Farnsworth: What's all the hubbub? Leela: My God! Even the Professor's been bent. Farnsworth: That you for your sympathy, talking square of linoleum. Bender: I'll get you fixed up. bends Farnsworth backwards so his face is pointing upwards. Farnsworth screams. That's fine. Amy: Wait a minute. Bender, what did you just do to the Professor? Bender: I bent him. :gasps. Amy: Aha! Hermes: Bender! Zoidberg: J'accuse! Bender: Oh, I see. A bunch of stuff gets bent so it must be the robot designed for bending. Hermes: I know how to settle this: We'll check last night's surveillance tapes. Fry: Huh? Amy: What tapes? Leela: Surveillance? Zoidberg: You've seen me naked? :['''Scene': Planet Express: Surveillance Room. Hermes presses a button and a panel in the wall slides up, revealing several screens and rows of tapes. Hermes runs his finger across the tapes.]'' Hermes: Ah. Last night's tape. It was right next to Bathroom Bloopers 4. :takes the tape and puts it in the VCR. On the screen Farnsworth snores in his apartment lounge. Owls wander out of an owl hole and start pecking the floor. Bender: See? Nothing. Told you, losers. :walks in on the screen with his arms outstretched. Fry: Wait! There on the screen. It's that guy you are. :gasps. Bender: I'm sleepwalking. :watches a little TV monitor attached to his head. Farnsworth: Dear God! We've got robots on the ceiling. :the screen, Bender mumbles in his sleep. He bends a column and the staff gasp. Then he bends a sofa cushion, a plant and eventually Farnsworth, who groans but remains asleep. Bender turns around and bends the camera. The picture cuts to static. Fry: You weren't sleepwalking, you were sleep-''bending''! Bender: This is quite a shock. On the other hand, it's not surprising in the least. After all, I've been bending since the day I was built. :[''Flashback. Large robotic arms assemble a bending unit on a conveyor belt.]'' Bender: voice-over I was born on an assembly line in the bad part of Tijuana. :robotic arm selects a bending unit head from a box filled with other robot heads, including Flexo's. It screws the head onto the body and Bender opens his eyes. Bender: Mama. reaches out and cries. The robotic arm opens a bottle of Olde Fortran and screws a baby bottle-top onto it and feeds Bender. The conveyor belt moves and carries Bender to a machine marked "Bending School". Another robot arm comes out of it and installs bending software into his head. A third one hands him a diploma and puts a hat on his head then it throws the hat in the air. Hooray! I graduated! Time to bend around Europe for a few months, then get a job bending. :bends his diploma. :[''Flashback ends.]'' Amy: You remember your own birth? Bender: Sure. It was only four years ago. Fry: You're only four years old? Bender: Precocious little scamp, ain't I? :takes a puff from a cigar. Leela: Hmm. Bender must have a pent-up need to bend that's not being satisfied by his bend-free lifestyle. Farnsworth: Then he can't stay here. He's a menace to every straight person in the company. hangs his head in shame. Go satisfy your bend lust and don't you come back to work until you do. :puts his hand up and tips backwards. :[[Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant]. Robots have formed a picket line outside.] Robots: chanting No more bending, no more work. Give us a raise, you big fat jerk. :leans out of a window. Sal: shouting Nevers! :car pulls up next to the robots and [[Joey Mousepad] leans out. He whistles to them.] Joey: Yo! The Mafia supports you. But don't tell no one. Spread the word. :leans back in. :['''Cut to': Mafiabot Car. Clamps and Donbot are with Joey.]'' Donbot: As the duly-elected mobsters of this union, it's our duty to support the struggle of these proud, lazy slobs. Joey: Yeah, but what if management remains intragnizent? Donbot: From the context it is clear what you mean. In that case, Clamps may have a little surprise for them. Clamps: The clamps! clacks his clamps then turns to the Donbot. unsure Right? :nods and Clamps laughs maniacally. :['''Scene': Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Bender arrives and sees the robots.]'' Bender: Aw, no! A strike? Now I'll never get to bend anything. Oh, woe is Bender. Robot #1: Hang tough, brother. Management refused our demand to switch casual Friday to Monday. Bender: What? Robot #2: And now they're hiring scabs at ten-times the normal wage. Bender: Ten-times normal wage? rolls his sleeves up. I'll give those jerks what for! :walks straight through the fence towards the factory and the robots cheer him on. :['''Scene': Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Bender shakes Sal's hand.]'' Sal: Welcomes aboard, scab. Bender: Great to be here. Sal: Come on. I'll introduces you to your scab co-workers you'll be scabbing with. points to a bending unit. This here's our scab foreman. :bending unit turns around. Bender: Flexo? Flexo: Bender? Bender: Hey, sorry you got sent to that South American Turkish prison instead of me on account of mistaken identity. Flexo: You bastard! They treated me like an animal and that's what I became! laughs. Nah, you're alright. Good to see you, buddy! :high-five. Sal: And here's another scab what also works here, Angle-ine. :gasps and stares at the Fembot, blurry-eyed. She is thin and has blonde hair. Bender: sexfully Hello. :smiles. Sal: Hey, yous guyses wanna move that things? :move a pane of frosted glass from in front of Angle-ine, revealing her to be more heavily-built than Bender thought. Bender: sexfully Hello! :laughs croakily then coughs. :['''Scene': Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. The robots still march and chant.]'' Robots: chanting Give us a raise, you big fat jerk. :['''Cut to': Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. A girder drops into Flexo's hands.]'' Sal: outside Nevers! :bends the girder and moves it aside. Bender stands in front of him and bends a girder. Angle-ine bends wires into wire coat hangers. Bender gazes at her and sighs. A girder hits him on the head. Bender: Ow! strolls over to Angle-ine. Um, hi, Angle-ine. Whatcha up to? Angle-ine: Making hangers. Guidance counsellor said I had a knack for it. Bender: That's cool, that's cool. So, um, uh, I was wondering if, y'know, it's cool if not, but, what are you doing after work? Angle-ine: What I always do. Jack squat. :chuckles. Bender: Me too. chuckles again. Man, we have a lot in common, huh? Angle-ine: Well we are made of virtually identical components. Bender: sexfully Are you sure? Maybe I should sneak a peek at your access panel. :holds up a leaflet. Angle-ine: Hey, according to the scab handbook that's extremely inappropriate banter. sexfully And that's just the way I like it. :smiles. :['''Scene': Planet Express: Hangar. Hermes tries to straighten his straight edge. Behind him the ship is a battered mess.]'' Hermes: Haile H. Selassie! :bends it straight. Beside him, Zoidberg has re-curled his slinky, though it doesn't really look right. Zoidberg: There, little friend. Good as new. :strokes it and puts it atop a pile of books he has arranged like stairs. He nudges the slinky and it flops down the books and bursts into flames. Zoidberg groans and bursts into tears. :['''Scene': New New York City Street. Fry and Farnsworth walk down the rough street. Farnsworth is looking upwards and doesn't notice how bad the street and the inhabitants of it are.]'' Farnsworth: What an exquisite day. That azure sky, the verdant treetops. him the [[crack addict] exchanges money for crack with a dealer.] Those delightful birds with their chirp, chirp, chirp and their tweet, tweet, splat. :pass a dog leaving it's mark on a fire hydrant and two hookers wearing jet packs. Fry: Professor, I've never seen you so cheerful. What the hell's wrong with you? Farnsworth: Hmm. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps seeing things from a new perspective has reminded me of life's beauty. Or perhaps my new posture is causing blood to pool in the back of my brain, resulting in a mild delirium. Incidentally, you have a dime up your nose. Fry: I wish! It's a nickel. :['''Scene': Outside Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. A new day dawns and Bender passes the picket line wearing a hardhat and carrying a lunchbox. He waves his fist.]'' Bender: Union forever! Lousy scabs! They can't do those things! Et cetera! :['''Scene': Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant.]'' Bender: I bet watching me bend girders like this turns your legs all rubbery. Angle-ine: Well my legs are made of rubber. turns around. And anyway, I am just as strong as you are, Mac. Bender: Oh, yeah? girder drops into his hands and he holds it out to Angle-ine. Prove it. takes it and grunts as she tries to bend it. First she tries just with her hands then she puts it across her leg and tries and then she gives in and sighs. Bender stands behind her. Here, let me help you. :[He puts his arms around her and together they bend the girder into a heart shape. A few bars of ''Unchained Melody play as they gaze into each other's eyes. They lean in and kiss, and sparks fly.]'' :['''Montage': Bender and Angle-ine date to American Breed's Bend Me, Shape Me. At a fairground stall, Bender tries to knock down a pile of bottles with a ball but repeatedly misses. Angle-ine looks away in dismay so Bender throws the ball at the man in the stall, knocking him out. He takes a big stuffed pig and gives it to Angle-ine then steals the man's wallet and they run off. Later, they enjoy a boat ride on a lake. Bender's detached arms row the boat and he and Angle-ine cuddle. Still later, they ride a tandem through the park. Fry scoots alongside them using the Professor as a bicycle and Hermes and Zoidberg hold some tape at the finish line. Fry and Farnsworth get ahead and Bender takes a stick out of his chest cabinet and puts it between the spokes of Farnsworth's wheel, causing him and Fry to fly through the air. They land in a lake and Bender laughs as he and Angle-ine cut through the tape.]'' :['''Scene': Planet Express: Meeting Room. Farnsworth, Leela, Fry, Zoidberg, Amy and Hermes sit around the table. For some reason everyone except Farnsworth is tied to their chair and Leela's ponytail points to her right.]'' Farnsworth: My new bent outlook has completely re-energised me. I'm even dating a young Brazilian retired actress. Fry: Alright! :cheers. Farnsworth: Some say I'm robbing the cradle but I say she's robbing the grave. :wanders in sideways. It turns out the meeting table has been stuck to the wall so Farnsworth can see everyone eye-to-eye. Bender: Howdy, doodies. What's new? :uses his suction feet to walk up the wall and sit in an empty chair. Farnsworth: I was just regaling your former co-workers with a tale of bedroom antics, the likes of which-- Bender: Yeah, yeah! Big whoop! No one cares. I got Bender-related news. I'm in love and I'm taking all my friends out to celebrate. :cheers. Amy: Let's get liquored up! :walks down to the floor and everyone else falls out of their seats and land in a pile on the floor. :['''Scene': Elzar's Fine Cuisine. The evening's special is blackened leftovers. The crew sit around a table and Farnsworth leans against it with his legs behind him.]'' Elzar: Hey, look at this crowd. You guys gotta try the pasta. It's got a real nice profit margin. Bam! So, special occasion tonight? Bender: Oh, Elzar, you'll never guess what's happened? Elzar: Bam? Bender: I met the most dynamite ladybot. Elzar: Hey, that's terrific. To celebrate, I'm gonna stick seven copies of my latest cookbook on your bill. :[He holds up his book, ''Three More Recipes and leaves.]'' Bender: Bless you, sir. Farnsworth: So, Bender, tell us about this new girlfriend of yours. Bender: I intend to. Through the lost art of the toast. stands and raises his glass. To Angle-ine, she's got it all. Looks, charm and the love of a fabulous bending robot. Fry: She sure does. :points across the room. Bender turns and gasps. Flexo and Angle-ine sit at a table laughing. Bender: Flexo! :picks up a baguette and tries to break it. Elzar walks past at the back of the room. Elzar: shouting Careful, that's a week old! :grunts and the stick breaks, then his arms fall off. He reattaches them and mutters to himself. Bender: I finally meet a nice girl with a pair of legs that don't quit unexpectedly and that jerk Flexo steals her away? It's time to kick some shiny, metal ass. walks over to their table. You degenerate hussy! I'm disappointed in you too, Angle-ine. Angle-ine: Bender, it's-it's not what you think. Bender: Oh, God! Then it's worse than I think. Angle-ine: Now, look, there is no reason to be upset. Flexo and I are divorced. Bender: Div-- Huh? Flexo: We're just havin' dinner 'cause we wanna stay friends. Bender: Uh, I knew that. What I'm actually outraged by is your choice of wine. Really, it's the steward's fault. :smacks a passing steward. Steward: Excellent choice, sir. :['''Scene': Planet Express: Lounge. Bender paces backwards and forwards muttering to himself. Fry and Leela sit on the couch and Farnsworth leans against it. Leela reads a book.]'' Bender: muttering That Flexo, I'm knockin' him right on his butt. I can't believe this. Farnsworth: Obsessing won't help, Bender. Take a lean back and enjoy life. Bender: I can't. My Fembot may be in love with another Manbot. Leela: Well talk to her. Tell her about your feelings in an open an honest way. Fry: Yeah. Either that or be a man. :['''Scene': Fry's and Bender's Lounge. At dusk, Bender paces around the apartment while Fry trims a plant into the shape of the Planet Express ship.]'' Bender: OK, I've constructed an elaborate lie: I'll call Angle-ine while pretending to be Flexo, arrange a date, show up disguised as him and catch her two-timing me with myself. Fry: That's thinkin' like a man. :picks up the phone and dials. Bender: voice Hello? This is Flexo. :['''Scene': Outside The Hip Joint. A taxi flies towards the club and Bender gets out. It's Robot Nite and designated device drivers drink free. Bender opens his chest cabinet and sticks a goatee to his chin.]'' Bender: Now we'll see who loves whom. :cackles and walks in. :['''Cut to': The Hip Joint. Bender looks around and sees Angle-ine at the bar.]'' Bender: Hey, hot stuff. Angle-ine: Hey, Flexo. hugs him. So since when do you go to bars on work nights? It's not like you at all. Bender: Nonsense. It's exactly like me. Flexo: The fun-loving love machine Fembots love to love. Hey, barkeep, I'll have a Fuzzy Navel and she'll have the girliest drink in the house. Bartender-bot: Two Fuzzy Navel's comin' up. :takes a wad of cash out of his chest cabinet. Bender: I hope they can make change for a fortune. :tosses the cash over the bar. On the other side of the bar the Mafiabots watch him. Joey: Yo. Get an eye-load of that filthy scab with the beard flashing his filthy scab money. It's an insult to you, boss. Donbot: Yeah. That cash oughta be slushin' my fund and kicksing my back. Clamps: I'm greasing up my whoozits! :squirts oil on his clamps. Donbot: Whoa, whoa, Clamps, not yet. Let's just keep an eye on him and see if he does it a couple more times. :and Angle-ine drink. Bender: You're lookin' good to Flexo tonight. Angle-ine: Quit makin' with the googly eyes. You know that I'm in love with Bender. Bender: Bender? That walking wuss factory? Angle-ine: Well he may be a walking factory but believe me he is no wuss. Now, look, you and me are through. I told you that when I divorced you. Bender: But going through a divorce together, you can't tell me that didn't bring us closer. Care to dance? Angle-ine: You know I love dancing but you always hated it. Bender: In that case it's something I've always wanted to make up to you. puts his hand on hers. On the dancefloor he talks to the DJ-bot. Hey, scratchmo. How 'bout dropping me and the lady some rump-rattling beats? :takes out his cash and throws it at the DJ-bot. The Mafiabots watch. Donbot: I had hoped that by the second time he flashed his cash my rage would have subsided. Sadly that has not happened. :sharpens his clamps. Bender and Angle-ine dance with the other robots. Angle-ine: You used to be so inflexible, Flexo. You have really loosened up! Bender: I recently upgraded my funk card. C'mon! :dances. Angle-ine: Alright! Bender: C'mon now, what's new! goatee flies off his face and lands on a fat Fembot's behind. Bender carefully removes it. Ew! :wipes it on his casing. Angle-ine: Flexo? What-What's going on? :laughs weakly and puts the goatee back on his face. Bender: Um... :grabs Angle-ine and tilts her back and she laughs. Angle-ine: Flexo! :robots dancing on the platforms start to fall apart and they rain on Bender and Angle-ine. :Lapse. Bender and Angle-ine sit at a table as the janitor sweeps the robot parts off the empty floor. Bender: So the moral of the story is: If you want it to stay sunk, tie a weight to it! :laugh. Angle-ine: laughing You always were a kick in the teeth, man. Bender: Aw, shucks, thunder-buns! You make me feel like a million volts. :sighs and stirs her finger around the rim of her glass. Angle-ine: Flexo, Flexo, Flexo. I'm starting to remember why I fell for you in the first place. Bender: thinking So, she's falling for Flexo, eh? I'd better seduce her a little more, just to be sure. Angle-ine: Well, it's late. I should get home to my trailer. Bender: I'll walk you out. After all, a true gentleman tends to his date's every need. takes a cigar out of his chest cabinet. Tiparillo? :['''Scene': Outside The Hip Joint. Bender and Angle-ine walk out smoking their cigars. Bender hands a valet some money.]'' Bender: Here you are, my lad. Bring the lady's car around in the finest way possible. :['''Cut to': Mafiabot Car. The mobbots watch.]'' Joey: He's flashin' his cash loaf again. Donbot: How many times is that? Two or three? Clamps: Three. Donbot: Alright. That's the necessary number of times. That scab's gonna have a little on-the-job accident. Joey: With all due respect, Donbot, I don't think we should rely on an accident happening. Let's kill him ourselves. :groans. :['''Cut to': Outside The Hip Joint. Angle-ine stands by her car.]'' Angle-ine'': Well, goodnight. I-I had a great time. '''Bender: How 'bout a lift? To your place. Angle-ine: What? Bender: Admit it. You felt something for me tonight. And by "me" I mean Flexo. Angle-ine'': Hey, look, I had fun, but-- '''Bender: But? Angle-ine'': But-- '''Bender: But? Angle-ine: gasping But... kiss. They pull their heads away and Bender sees his goatee has stuck to her face. She pulls it off. Huh? Bender! You tricked me. Bender: That's right, baby. I ain't your lover boy, Flexo, the guy you love so much. You even love anybody pretending to be him. Angle-ine: Well maybe I love you so much I love you no matter who you're pretending to be. Bender: Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There's only one reasonable course of action now: Kill Flexo. punches his knuckles together. Ow! :takes Angle-ine's car and flies away. She runs after him to the edge of the platform. Angle-ine: screaming Nooo! :['''Scene': Curvetti Bros. Bending Plant. Flexo hums as he bends girders. Bender walks in and pushes Flexo.]'' Flexo: Thanks, I appreciate that. laughs. Nah, I'm joshing you. That was quite annoying. Bender: You call yourself divorced? You're making a mockery of one of our oldest institutions. Flexo: What? :punches him and they start fighting. In a control room above, the mobbots watch. Clamps operates a set of controls that hold a large unbendable girder above the factory floor. Clamps: Alright, boss, give the word and I'll drop this unbendable girder. Clamp, clamp, ka-bamp! Donbot: Remember, only kill the one with the beard. That other filthy scab we got nothing against. :moves the girder and Flexo pushes Bender against a wall. Bender opens Flexo's door and punches the roof of his chest cabinet. Flexo groans. Flexo: That's low! :runs around the corner. Angle-ine: Please stop! I'm not worth it! Bender: Probably not. But I love you and I'm gonna kick his ass till I win you back. :pushes Flexo into the middle of the room and Clamps moves the girder again. Flexo starts choking Bender. Donbot: control room OK, Clamps. Now! :girder drops and Bender and Flexo fall to the floor. Angle-ine screams and the mobbots look through the window. Clamps: Ooh, that's gotta clamp! :has been crushed under the girder. Angle-ine kneels by him. Angle-ine: Flexo? Are you OK? Flexo: Yeah, never better. coughs up oil. Nah, I'm yankin' your chain, I'm dying. Angle-ine: You can't die. Tonight Bender showed me that I love you. Bender: But, I'' love you. '''Angle-ine': I know and I care for you too. But I could never love anyone as much as you made me realise I love Flexo. :hugs Flexo and cries. Bender: But ... but... sighs. I love you so much, Angle-ine, I want you to be happy no matter what. Angle-ine: What, what are you saying? Bender: I'm saying I've got an unbendable girder to bend. Angle-ine: You can't bend that girder. It's unbendable! Bender: Well I don't know anything about lifting, so that just leaves us the one option. :grunts as he tries to bend the girder. He stops and takes some BENDGAY out of his chest cabinet. He rubs it on his hands and arms and tries bending again. Oil dribbles down his forehead, his door pops off and his antenna explodes but he finally manages to bend the girder away from Flexo's head. Flexo waddles out from under it and shakes Bender's hand. Flexo: Thanks, buddy. Another year under that and I'd have been a goner. :hugs Bender. Angle-ine: I'll always remember this, Bender. :hugs Flexo and Bender wipes a tear away from his eye. Bender: crying Me too. Me too. talking Jerk. :['''Scene': Planet Express: Lounge. The staff sit around the table.]'' Leela: So Flexo and Angle-ine had sex right there on the factory floor? Well, at least you got bending out of your system. Bender: Yes. I won't be up to bending again for a long, long time. Farnsworth: Perhaps it's your outlook that needs a good bend. A 90-degree bend to a place where happiness is perpendicular to wonderment. Fry: Professor, we're all sick of your upbeat attitude. Amy: I'll say. Zoidberg: Believe it. Farnsworth: Nonsense. It's just like in the song I wrote: (singing) We all need a new angle on life, You gotta bend away all your trouble and your strife, :sighs. Leela: Bender, you've gotta help us. Bender: I try to get out but they keep pulling me back in. :stands up and rolls up his sleeves. Farnsworth: singing You gotta dangle, Have a new angle, Wangle a new dangle on life, :bends him and he screams. He has bent right over backwards. Amy: No, Bender! The other way. Bender: I like him better this way. Farnsworth: I'm sad now. Leela: Eh, it's fine. :Credits. Category:Episode Transcripts Category:Transcripts Category:Season Three Scripts